All is fair in love and war
by BMIK
Summary: Hijikata and Souji are together for three months now, but the problems are just starting: Hijikata has issues and Souji thinks that even monks have more of a sex life than he has.
1. Chapter 1

**Uhm... hello? *pokes dead PMK fandom* Seems pretty quiet here lately, so I thought I could contribute something every once in a while to revive this wonderful fandom?**

**Hm... All right^___^ This will be a series of oneshots with mainly HijikataSouji pairings. I will pick up where I left my last story 'spring fever', but it´s no direct sequel and can be read without knowing the other story. It´s just so we can deal with (more or less) established HijiSou. Also I got a wonderful plotbunny, namely from wyrdsister jr, who offered me the idea of '5 ways to seduce Hijikata Toshizou'. I´ll see if I can come up with 5 ways (I have 4 already^^), but it won´t be a straight plotted story. I´ll post here whatever sillyness comes to mind, and I hope you enjoy it!**

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Pillow Talk

„Hijikata-san," Okita Souji, first unit captain of the famous Shinsengumi whispered into the darkness of his room, crawling over the futon towards the man beside him. Apart from a deep, soft snore there was no answer whatsoever.

Frowning, the lavender haired young man leaned over, his belly almost touching the sleeping demon vice commander´s back. His lips brushed over Hijikata´s earlobe as he chirped "Hi-ji-ka-ta-san."

"Grmhn." A hand was testily lifted to wave the annoying, buzzing noise away, and the demon went back to sleep without even waking up.

Pouting, Okita pushed himself into a sitting position, looking thoughtful for a moment before a mean little smile crept over his fair features and he held his hands before his mouth, shouting cheerfully "Hijikata-san, the dojo´s on fire!"

"What!" Faster than the eye could follow, the man stood on the futon with his sword ready in hands, sleeping gown hanging loosely around his shoulders, his bloodshot eyes frantically searching the room.

Souji collapsed on the tatami, holding his belly and pointing at the man´s disheveled hair that stood up to all sides, while laughter shook his delicate figure. "Hahahaha, Hichikata-san, you´re so funny, hahaha."

"What the…" growling, the vice commander let his sword sink down, and rubbed over his tired face, groaning in exasperation "Souji…"

"Awww, don´t be so crouchy Hijikata-san," the young man drawled happily and pulled the man back down to sit with him on the futon. "You must have had a bad dream or something."

The demon vice commander didn´t look very convinced, but since he was tired and discussions with his first unit captain tended to be the opposite of satisfying –at least for Hijikata. As soon as the smaller man gave him the puppy eyes it was all over and the evil demon vice commander retreated with his tail between his legs- he just let it slide and grumpily propped his head on his hand. "What do you want."

"Why, I don´t want anything at all, Hijikata-san." Souji sported his best innocent look, head tilted, eyes big and shining. Then he abandoned the act for an eager smile and clasped his hands together, exclaiming "But since you and I are awake anyway we can talk a bit and have candies!"

The vice commander stared blankly at his chipper, exuberant first unit captain who had the nerve to wake him in the middle of the night for one of his utterly meaningless chats. Then his brows knitted together and he unceremoniously plopped down on the futon with his back to the genious swordsman, morosely pulling the blanket over his shoulder. "I´m going back to sleep."

"Mou- Hijikata-san!" The other indignantly –and not very gently- shook his friends shoulder to deter him from sleeping. "You´re no fun!"

"And here I thought my little stunt just now was sooo amusing," was the sarcastic, muffled reply as the vice commander closed his eyes and concentrated on falling asleep again. Over the years he had developed a mechanism that allowed him to simply tune out his friend´s constant excited blabbering, which came very much in handy, especially now.

"But only because you looked so incredibly retarde– adoringly sleepy I mean," Souji snickered behind his hand, but this time Hijikata didn´t even deign to answer. Seeing that the man had lost interest and was on his way to blissful oblivion again, Souji bit his lip, fidgeting on his knees, and then announced graciously "We can do something else too, if you want."

"Great. I want to sleep," growled one iffy demon vice commander and demonstratively pulled the cushion over his ear. The anticipated protest or the uncalled for explanation what _Souji_ had had in mind for them, remained absent however, and now it was the complete silence that irritated Hijikata. He could almost _see_ the wobbling lower lip and sad, accusing look that pierced his poor back…

"What the hell," he finally grunted and sat up again, unwillingly grabbing for his pipe and stuffing it. "What do you want, Souji?"

The demon professionally avoided to look at Souji´s guilt inflicting, 'miserable' expression –that had been trained for years, simply for the purpose of annoying Hijikata who still hadn´t managed to grow immune to it, even though he _knew_ it was just one of Souji´s manipulations. He wasn´t miserable at all… But he looked rather convincing if he really tried, and it never failed to stab right through Hijikata´s shriveled, nonexistent heart.

This time however, Souji simply watched the man stuff his pipe and light it, till small clouds of smoke escaped his mouth. He seemed to be uncharacteristically nervous, constantly fidgeting on the futon and not so insuspiciously glancing at the vice commander every now and then. Which in return, put poor Hijikata on edge, so he took the pipe out of his mouth, asking with a sourly lifted brow, "Now what? And just for the record: I won´t play 'I spy with my little eye… something that is black' in a dark room with you ever again, you hear me?!"

"Weeell," the young man stretched, nibbling at his lips before he took a dreep breath and blurrted out. "We´re together for three months nolw and I thought maybe we could have se-"

Before he could end the sentence, a hand was clasped over his mouth, shutting off his last word and the stunned young man found himself face to face with his sorely shocked demon vice commander. The man´s eyes were round like saucers and the pipe was dangling from his open mouth as he kept staring at Souji as if the man had just announced he was pregnant or something.

"Hifikata-fan, A canf´t breaf- " Souji tried to push his friend´s hand away from his mouth, but the man hastely moved it back as if he was utterly afraid of what would come out of it. The lavender haired man just rose his brows and frowned at the other man, unable to understand what he had done wrong to make Hijikata so agitated. Finally the vice commander seemed to become aware of his surroundings again and he reluctantly let go of Souji, giving a little, uncomfortable cough into his fist.

"Hijikata-san… are you all right?" The first unit captain leaned forward with narrowed eyes to have a good look at his boyfriend´s waxy face, but the man shirked on all four, almost panicked, announcing "I´m fine, I´m fine!"

"You don´t look like it… Are you sure? Maybe I shouldn´t have asked you to have se-"

"You know what?" the vice commander suddenly shrieked rather unmanly , making Souji jump a little. "You´re right, I´m not feeling so well! I think I´ll go get some fresh air, why don´t you go back to sleep?"

"But-"

Before Souji could protest the spot where Hijikata had just been sitting was vacant and the paper door was closed with too much force. Confused, the first unit captain blinked into the darkness, but then he had no other option as to lay down and stare at the ceiling all by himself.

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**Sorry, if it isn´t perfect, I have no beta yet and I need to get back into the PMK fandom. But as you can see the two of them have some issues where their -nonexistent- sex life is concerned^^**

**I´d be happy to get some reviews; show me that this fandom isn´t dead yet!**

Disclaimer: I do not own PeacerMaker Kurogane and I do not make any money from this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey there again! It´s been a while, I know, but I had to figure out where I wanted to go with this fic and finally I know^^ Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoy it!**

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2

The next morning Souji wandered towards his boyfriend´s quarters, carefully carrying a steaming cup of green tea. It hadn´t taken much to persuade Tetsu to leave this task to him this morning; after all poor Hijikata-san was ill and sick, and what could make him feel better again than his beloved bringing him his tea and much love and pity?

Smiling contently at the bright, clear morning, humming a happy little tune, the young man finally reached Hijikata´s room, his wooden sandals making lazy clicking noises on the warm panels.

What he couldn´t know was that the demon vice commander was lying in wait already, his paper work unattended before him on the small table. His fingers were drumming impatiently on the hard surface and he was irritably taking drags from his pipe, generelly being grumpy but especially exasperated that it took his worthless page so long to bring his damn morning tea! To make things worse Hijikata hadn´t gotten a wink of sleep after his escape from Souji´s room and his mood was downright abysmal.

Finally hearing the lazy sounds of approaching foodsteps the fingers stopped their drumming solo and Hijikata looked up, the wrinkle between his eyes dangerously deepening and a blue vein popping up on his forehead.

"What took you so goddamn long Ichimura, what do you think this is here-" he immediately hollered as the footsteps stopped before his paper door, slamming his palms down on the table so the papers jumped and scattered on the floor.

Souji flinched back in surprise, his first reaction being to savely hold the precious tea above his head to bring it out of harm´s reach, but then he lowered it again and beamed cheerfully into his boyfriend´s aghast face. "Good morning to you too, Hijikata-san! You seem a lot better this morning, so lively! I brought your tea!" He eagerly shoved the cup into the pale man´s surprised face, sunshine and flowers radiating from his bright smile.

"So-Souji…" the demon stammered uncomfortably, after he had sucessfully closed his mouth again, his aggressive attitude changing as his shoulders slumbed a bit. His complexion paled a few degrees, but he soon caught himself, shoving his hands into his wide sleeves and closing his eyes in feigned irritation. "What do you want here?" he asked grumpily, to cover up his inner nervousness.

"Why, I brought your tea and wanted to look if you feel better! But now you still look a bit sick…" Worried, Souji knelt down beside his commander, carefully putting the cup on the floor and reaching out for Hijikata´s forehead with a slender hand.

"Wha-what are you doing?" Shirking away and eyeing Souji with nervous waryness, the demon still didn´t manage to escape the hand feeling him up. The first unit captain tilted his head in concentration, oblivious to the awkward tension. "Checking if you have a fever of course. My, Hijikata-san, you feel a bit hot and you sweat a lot…", he frowned, his concerned expression deepening.

The demon finally successfully grabbed his love´s hand and held it away from his body, but in a way so he wouldn´t hurt him. "You´re right, I´m still not feeling well. Maybe you should stay away, it could be contagious…" Hijikata murmured, giving a fake cough and hoping that it was convincing enough. He didn´t like lying to Souji, and he felt ugly guilt gnawing at his guts as Souji´s face fell in genuin concern, but it hopefully would make him stay away…

"I don´t want you to become sick as well…" he added, quickly avoiding eye-contact, his cheeks stained with a faint colour as he gave another restrained cough.

Souji´s expression softened at that and his hands warmly wrapped around Hijikata´s, drawing them into the younger one´s lap in a gesture of affection. "Oh Hijikata-san, this is so sweet of you that you´re worried about me." Then his features became determined though, as he exclaimed with overly serious conviction "But don´t worry, I will be fine, I won´t leave your side even in these dark hours. I will take care of you!"

He gravely nodded, as if he had to reassure Hijikata and himself.

"But-" the overwhelmed demon started to protest, sounding a bit desperate, but he was just ignored as the first unit captain dragged the man heroically towards his futon.

"You stay in bed today, drink tea and leave everything to me! I will take care of you, Hijikata-san, and you´ll be up again in no time!"

Blankly, the demon vice commander let it happen, too overwhelmed to defend himself. Usually he´d have thrown a fit now, simply scarrying his attacker away, but he couldn´t do this with his Souji! Even after 3 months he still wasn´t sure how to really handle their new relationship, though not that much had changed really. He was his old grumpy self most of the time and didn´t treat Souji that different from before when they were in the company of others, simply because his friend was his usual cheerful, annoying self as well. When it came to their 'alone'-time however, the handsome man had to grudgingly admit that he felt rather insecure. Not that he didn´t want to be alone with Souji, not at all, but he didn´t know how to handle him. Especially his affections… Which, ironically enough, Hijikata secretly graved; however he desperately tried to avoid them…

"Here, just lay down, I will bring you a second blanket so you won´t get cold," Souji ordered just now, satisfied that he had tugged his lover safely into the futon, only his head poking out from under the thick covers. Absently he snatched the pipe from Hijikata´s mouth, his lips drawing into a disapproving line for a moment as he put it out of the man´s reach and into his sleeve, reprimanding "And you cannot smoke of course, it´ll make you even more sick! Here, chew on that for the time being." Cheerfully he stuffed a clinical thermometer into the vice commanders open, ready to protest mouth, the man dumbfoundedly taking it. Then Souji tapped his long finger against his chin, his lips pursed as he looked towards the ceiling in deep thought. "Hm… what else?" His dark eyes fell on the helpless figure beside him again and then he exclaimed happily as it hit him, "Oh yes, you have to get rid of your robe of course, I will bring you a sleeping gown!"

His hands were already eagerly tugging at Hijikata´s yukata, revealing his smooth, muscular chest when the demon vice commander finally snapped out of it and decided that he had enough now. Spitting the thermometer on the floor with a grunt, the man sat up, slapping Souji´s hand away and growling "Enough!"

Startled, the first unit captain sat back on his heels, tilting his head in question as Hijikata agitatedly rearranged his rope, snapping "I´m fine, enough with this charade!"

Huffing, he finally stopped and moved his hand through his hair, briefly closing his eyes and knitting his brows. A bit calmer he looked at an unsure Souji again, getting up and shooing him out of his room "Look, I´m really busy, why don´t you go play with the brats from the temple or something. I have important business to discuss with Kondo-san." Which was a blatant lie, whatever Kondo had to propose was probably trivial as usual, like new, pretty female servants to attract more applicants to the Shinsengumi, and Hijikata had even briefly considered to skip it, but now he´d sure as hell go!

"Are you sure, Hijikata-san? Your cheeks look red and hot…" Souji frowned, not very convinced, as he was unceremoniously shoved onto the porch.

"I´m sure," the vice commander declared in a finite tone that allowed absolutely no protest. "Go have fun." And as an afterthought he added sternly "But don´t be late for dinner."

Then the paper door was shut into Souji´s unhappy face. It opened a second later again as Hijikata poked his head out and wordlessly snatched back his pipe from his boyfriend´s sleeve, but mercilessly he locked the young man out again after he had what he needed.

Blinking, the beautiful boy shouted a "Don´t forget to drink your tea, Hijikata-san", before his shoulders slumped and he sighed. Unenthusiastically he walked down the porch towards the pig pen and crouched down in front of it, hands on his knees to haplessly wish his favorite piglet a good morning.

Saizo ignorantly grunted and kept focused on his breakfast he had to agressively defend from the other bold piglets, but the depressed aura radiating from his caretaker made him look up eventually, grunting a questioning "Buki?" It inwardly sighed as Souji just stroked over its little pig back, smiling a heart wrenchingly sad smile, and crouchily pushed some of his precious mud-food towards his master with its little snout in an attempt to cheer him up.

It went ignored though, as Souji was deep in thought, pondering the morningly events.

Just why was Hijikata-san giving him the cold shoulder when Souji tried to be considerate or get close to him? Finally they were together but it felt like they had made one step forward and two steps backwards! Hijikata never touched him and seemed to be so irritated and unnerved when Souji tried to get a bit closer, to bridge the physical and emotional distance… It wasn´t like Hijikata couldn´t be sweet as well, in his own way; he was much more lenient with Souji and even though he always complained he bought him sweets and usually he always spared Souji some of his time despite his busy schedule. Sometimes he had this warm glint in his eyes as well when he looked at Souji and thought the other wouldn´t notice.

Maybe Hijikata-san was unsure of their relationship? Maybe he wasn´t sure if he loved Souji yet? Or maybe he wasn´t sure if Souji loved him…?

Looking up at that thought, the lovely man´s face lit up a bit as another thought hit him. He should show Hijikata-san then just how important he was to him! And how should he do that?

By bedding him of course!

Yes, that should make things clear to Hijikata-san!

"That´s it!" Happily smiling again, Souji grabbed his little piglet and swirled it around, pressing a wet kiss to its smeared face, ignoring its protests at being disturbed during its important meal.

"Saizo," the first unit captain exclaimed, face contorted in determination "We have an important new mission: seducing Hijikata Toshizou!"

And with an airy laugh he turned on his heels and went off to make plans on how to carry out this new task.

Tbc.

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0dd0ne0ut: (I hope I spelled your name right XD) Thank you very much, I´m happy you enjoyed it! I still have to get back into it, but I hope it´s going better now^^

Dido-Chan: Yay, thank you! There´s just not enough fics about these two, they are so lovely together!

SemperVenice: Yes, you´re absolutely right, this couple needs more luff! Hm, there´s two manga series: Peacemaker (completed in 6 volumes), which pretty much covers the anime story as well, and Peacemaker Kurogane (incomplete in 6 volumes), which plays after the events of the anime and Peacemaker and in which all the guys are older. The mangaka stopped it in 2003 however and as far as I know she hasn´t picked it up again yet, sadly :( Hope that helped!

HakuxSnow: Haha, no, the PMK fandom isn´t dead, I´m glad to see that ^__^ It´d be too sad if it was, there´s so many awesome characters and we have to keep it alive! Thanks for your help to do so!!!

Chephren: Hello my dear! I´m happy you like it! *kahuggles* Yeah, poor Souji was silenced, but I thought the image might be cute, so I couldn´t help myself XDDD Thanks for reading anf enjoying it and hopefully you´ll like the rest as well. And many many thanks for the link again!


	3. Chapter 3

***looks around* Anyone still here reading this? I am so very, very,very sorry for having neglected this fic for so long *sigh* But I have my PMK moods very randomly... Anyway, this fic is NOT abandoned until it is finished, even though it might take me a bit sometimes.**

**So I bring a new chapter, but before we start it may be a good idea to give a short reminder of the last one:**

**from chapter 2:  
**

Looking up at that thought, the lovely man´s face lit up a bit as another thought hit him. He should show Hijikata-san then just how important he was to him! And how should he do that?

By bedding him of course!

Yes, that should make things clear to Hijikata-san!

"That´s it!" Happily smiling again, Souji grabbed his little piglet and swirled it around, pressing a wet kiss to its smeared face, ignoring its protests at being disturbed during its important meal.

"Saizo," the first unit captain exclaimed, face contorted in determination "We have an important new mission: seducing Hijikata Toshizou!"

And with an airy laugh he turned on his heels and went off to make plans on how to carry out this new task.

tbc

**And now enjoy! ^___^**

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Chapter 3

"So I have been thinking on how to best get Hijikata-san into bed," Souji informed his friend, lips pursed in thought, his face contorted in concentration as he absently stroked over his bristling piglet´s back.

"Ahaha! …. I see," Yamanami said, laughing awkwardly and scratching the back of his head. He didn´t feel exactly comfortable getting to hear such intimate details about his demon friend (even though there obviously hadn´t much steamy action going on at all).

They were sitting on the sunny porch in quiet, Sannan´s abacus resting beside a pile of documents and a cup of green tea Souji had brought him just a few minutes ago. It had seemed like a good idea to take a break and enjoy a little chat, but now the bespectacled man wasn´t so sure if that had been one of his wiser decisions. Not that he did not enjoy Souji´s company; on the contrary. He didn´t even mind being sought after for advice with these slippery matters (Yamanami wasn´t as prude as people believed he was, but it was hard to compete with the two womanizer that called themselves their superior and equal). And Souji was his friend, so his problems were of concern to Yamanami. The thing was just that... if Hijikata ever found out that they talked about such matters including him and his obviously not so allmighty potence, seppuku was the least thing Yamanami would have to worry about. Still, the erudite man wondered what kept the demon from ravishing his beautiful, un-official boyfriend; usually he didn´t miss out on anything...

"And now..." Souji heaved a dramatic, heart-wrenching sigh, eyes growing round and tearful "I don´t know what to do." His shoulders visibly slumped and a rosy bottom lip was worried between sharp teeth, when is large eyes drifted over to his flustered, sweating and still benignly smiling friend after a calculated pause, piercing his poor skull with an expectancy that made Yamanami inwardly writhe.

He had to avert his gaze, reaching for his tea and taking a long, loud slurp to buy some much needed time. Souji´s pigled just snorted a derisive "Buki!", walking a tiny circle on its master´s lap to settle down in a more comfortable position. It wanted its ears to be fondled, but its master seemed annoyingly distracted recently.

Yamanami savoured the taste of brewed tea leaves as long as he could, before he announced carefully, "That is unfortunate, I guess." He wasn´t so sure about it, because usually the women Hijikata left in his reckless wake were quite shattered...

An impish light flickered over Souji´s face again and he abandoned the act in favour of a bright smile, attacking head on as he exclaimed,

"And that´s why I came to you, because you´re such good friends and you know him so well!"

"Not _that_ well, I´m afraid," the bespectacled man muttered, hiding behind his tea cup again, demurely sipping at it and inwardly shuddering at the thought of him and Hijikata in such a kind of relationship. Actually the vice commander was glad that he _didn´t_.

"Mou, Yamanami-san surely has to know something I don´t," Souji marvelled, looking thoughtfully up into the blue sky, one finger laid against his chin. Then he leaned over with a mischievous grin, asking curiously "Does Hijikata-san have any kinks or fetishes?"

Beside him Yamanami spluttered his tea all over the lawn, expression one of incredulity, perplexity and utter horror.

"Hahaha, Yamanami-san, you´re so funny!" Souji wiped away a tear from his eyes, his feet wriggling in the air as he held his belly. Saizo indignantly wrinkled its little snout, trying to rub his wet back dry against Souji´s yukata.

Coughing, the older man sat his cup aside and cleaned his classes with the hem of his wide sleeve, before he sat them back on his nose. "I am sorry, but I really cannot help you with this."

The laughter subsided, and Souji gave a hopeless sigh again, leaning back on the porch and looking down at his little pig, tilting his head to the side. "Ah, it´s all right, I must apologize for bothering you with it. I just thought you were the most formidable and wise person to ask."

"Oh really?" Yamanami gave a flattered cough in his sleeve, his cheeks heating to a rosy pink.

"Really," the first unit captain emphasized earnestly with a nod, swinging his feet lightly over the lawn.

"Well..." Rubbing his chin, a fine line building between his brows as the wheels in his head started rotating, Yamanami delicately pointed out "I do not know anything about Toshi´s intimate preferences..." _'Luckily' _he added in the back of his mind, with no small amount of relief "...But I know a book that specialises on such things. I think Akesato has a copy, I am sure she will lend it to you, under these ….special circumstances."

"_Thank you_ Yamanami-san, I knew you were the right choice!" Deeply moved, Souji took the man´s hand, gratitude radiating from his young features that now seemed quite desperate underneath. "I will tell you how it went, of course!"

"You´re welcome. And don´t bother, it´s all right, really..."

Shaking his head, the vice commander watched the young man happily bounce off to take immediate actions, before he finally turned back to his abacus and his quiet, wonderfully non-sexual morning routine.

~*~

Two hours later an unreasonably aggravated demon vice commander observed his underlings sparing with hawk eyes and a deep frown. Every now and then he barked some discouraging profanities at one of the incompetent dogs that dared to call themselves servants of the shogunate, venting off his sexual frustration, albeit not very effectively.

Thick smoke was surrounding his grumpy figure, constantly seeping from his long pipe as Hijikata restlessly walked up and down the hall. The tension radiating from him put his men on edge, even more so than usual, but they knew better than to say something about it. The comedian trio wisely kept to a corner farthest away from their boss, only exchanging theories about his abysmal mood in speculating whispers.

Kondou sat alongside the hall, with his arms proudly folded over his chest, a pleased smile plastered to his face, and gave encouraging nods. Naturally he was oblivious to Hijikata and his outraged yells.

Light feet flew over the porch as a certain commander peeked his head inside the dojo, giving his sunny greetings to Kondou first, before his searching eyes fell onto his beloved.

"Ah, Hi-ji-ka-ta-san!!!" The boy excitedly waved at his commander, readjusting the package he held under his arm and swiftly navigated his way through the fighting men.

Hijikata spectacularly flinched at the call, his shoulders shooting up and his head ducking, as if he was hoping that if he made himself smaller Souji might not see him.

"There you are, I searched _everywhere_ for you!" A little breathless, cheeks flushed, Souji came to stand before the demon with a big, flustered grin that made Hijikata wish someone would accidently stab him.

"What is it now?!" He gruffly snapped, glaring daggers at one of the men that had gotten distracted by their conversation and who instantly focused back on his sparing partner, doing his best to pretend that he didn´t hear anything. The noises of wooden swords, shouting and panting was quite deafening, but the members of the shinsengumi had frighteningly good hearing when it came to spying on their superiors.

"Ah, Hijikata-san, don´t be so grumpy," Souji pouted, before he switched back to being to being in happy mode. "I have to show you something," he announced importantly, lowering his voice a bit, as it was full of secret promises.

Overcome by a sudden wariness, Hijikata suspiciously eyed the first captain. "I´m busy, I don´t have time for this, as you can see!" He meaningfully looked as his men, who tensed again, having relaxed a moment at the prospect of the demon leaving them alone for even a moment. However, he wasn´t let off the hook so easily.

"But it´s really important!" Souji objected, clutching his precious closer to his lithe frame.

The disappointed frown gave the demon vice commander an accusing stab to the heart, and so he rubbed his temple, sighing in feigned exasperation. "All right, then just tell me here."

"But..." Nibbling at his lip, Souji had an unsure look through the hall, and the curious ganders he received from the comedian trio, but a pointed glare from Hijikata made him cave.

Intricately unwrapping his little package, the first unit captain let the cloth that had covered his good flutter to the polished wooden floor. Then he thrust the book into Hijikata´s shocked face, exclaiming loudly "LOOk, I got the _kama sutra_ for you!!! It will help your libido get back up!"

The room was so quite all of a sudden a pin being dropped would have sounded like a thunder storm.

Thirty sweaty faces gaped at the first unit captain -who still bluntly held up his surprise, totally unfazed and expectant- before they turned to the book in unison and finally settled on the demon.

Hijikata had gone so ashen that for a moment the comedian trio was afraid he might faint. That came second to the tremendous urge to suppress their howling laughter, though.

As he got no reaction from his lover other than sharp, hitched intakes of breath being sucked in by the man´s inflated lungs, Souji slowly lowered the book, uncertainly tilting his head. Hijikata´s sudden change of condition was rather worrisome...

"Are you not feeling well again, Hijikata-san?" he carefully asked, reaching out to touch the man, but the demon just abruptly turned, intoning breathlessly,

"I have the bloody _mother_ of all headaches, don´t come anywhere near me!"

A bit forlornly Souji watched the man´s broad back quickly leave the dojo and vanish around the next available corner.

"Ah, don´t mind him, it´s the stress." Kondou had appeared beside Souji, good naturedly clapping him on the shoulder before his predatory gaze drifted down to the book Souji was still holding. "Since you don´t need that anymore, would you mind if I borrowed it for a day or two?"

~*~

An hour later a new announcement was pinned to the wooden pillar of the dojo, fluttering softly in the light afternoon breeze and informing every member of the shinsengumi that from now on the unauthorized possession, distribution and _thinking_ of porn was sentenced with instant and unceremonious seppuku.

~*~

**Mission to seduce Hijikata Toshizou with lewd literatur: failed**

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**Review replies:**

jennifer100: Aw, thank you^^ I´m sorry it took me so long, I hope you can still enjoy it!

Dido-Chan: Yeah, poor Souji is a bit clueless XD Thank you for liking my style, I think it more or less writes itself once I start (I just need to get my ass up *sigh*).

Naokiru Michiyuki: Yay, I´m glad you´re interested! And that I could brighten your day XD Ah, Souji is trying, but Hijikata won´t cooperate -.- Sorry it took so long!

Chephren: Thanks love! *huggles* Yeah, I bet now that Souji had a glimpse of half-naked Hijikata he is even more determined XD I know I would be! *tries to sneak upn on him but gets shashliked*

Faichan5: Hey, thank you for your offer! I have spell-check now, and once I wrote the chapter I am a bit impatient to post, so if you can be fast, I´d love to take you up on the offer XD And if there is smut I will not send it to you of course :) Ah, and btw, you´re right about the number of volumes, but in germany all of them have been translated since years ago, so I have them all^^

**Review please? It might bring the next chapter faster XD**


	4. Chapter 4

**I bring new chapter... after half a year /cough/ But I hope you like it anyways, so enjoy!**

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Chapter 4

Suzumu lay flat on the roof top, staring into the achingly blue sky and doing nothing but enjoying the silence. At least until a certain annoying puppy was claiming his attention again, that was... Ah, and speaking of the devil. His trained ninja ears caught the light sound of the ladder being placed against the roof, soon followed by the creaks of the steps.

Suzumu closed his eyes, counting the steps and placing his sardonic remark just exactly the moment when he reckoned the brat must poke his head over the roof.

"What is it now? Got scolded by Hijikata again? If you keep being so useless he will just ditch you some day, you know."

He hadn´t expected the heartbroken "Oh... I´m sorry..." that definitely didn´t belong to the brat. In a flash the ninja was on his knees, bowing on the askew roof as well as he could without slithering down and cracking his head on the hard ground.

"Okita-san, forgive my misconduct, I did not know it was you."

"Aw, it´s all right!" Souji flashed him a brilliant smile, including rosy cheeks and sparkly flowers bursting around his head like rainbow bubbles. Just underneath Suzumu´s sharp ninja eyes detected traces of relief and misery though.

Sitting up and besides Okita, who had taken a place on the crest with his legs bent and hugged, Suzumu stretched his leg and tried to get over this very embarrassing situation. Hopefully Okita-san wouldn´t tell anyone, especially the brat. He could already see that infuriating runt pointing his finger at him while rolling on the floor, shaken with dirty laughter...

"Who did you expect then?" Souji asked curiously, the smile of doom still happily radiating from his features.

"A puppy," Suzumu muttered, looking down at his feet, not feeling all that comfortable.

"Ah, I see." Souji nodded enthusiastically, leaning his chin on his knees. He wore his simple, white yukata that fluttered softly in the light breeze. Above them a chirping bird flew past and from below the sounds of the cicadas mingled with the faint noises of fighting and shouting from the dojo.

"Nice weather, isn´t it?" Souji asked dreamily, watching the blue sky and the warn yellow spot pinned to it. Suzumu gave a polite nod, but remained silent. He could feel the restlessness underneath Okita´s cheerful composure and he expected the first unit captain to state his business, now that the small talk was done. Instead of doing that Souji turned his head to lean his cheek against his knees and started to hum a happy tune he had just made up.

Suzumu couldn´t bear the tension anymore and finally blurted out, "Okita-san..."

"Hm?" Souji tilted his head, looking at Suzumu with a smaller smile, but his eyes were sharp and almost threatening.

The ninja gulped.

"May I ask what brings you up here?"

"Nothing in particular," Souji beamed, and Suzumu inwardly cringed at the obvious lie. He had a pretty good idea about Souji´s motives already, but was too polite to voice them. Most likely Souji sought a place of quiet, where he wasn´t attacked by curious questions every five minutes. Everyone had heard about the incident in the dojo. It was absolutely forbidden to talk about it, by the death sentence of seppuku, but trying to successfully deter people from gossiping was as likely as convincing Hijikata-san to walk around in a clown´s costume.

Suzumu was not happy about that, because it meant that his master was cranky beyond the tolerable. Which in return meant that he was vending it off on a certain, unfortunate but deserving page who then came running and crying to Suzumu when aforementioned ninja didn´t want to do anything but lay on the roof, be lazy and enjoy the quiet! Well, and Suzumu didn´t really like seeing his master unhappy. Though he really wondered if that was because the libido issues... But he didn´t ask, of course. Suzumu possessed an ounce of dignity after all. (And besides, Hijikata-san´d have him skewered on a blunt stick if he found out that Suzumu was sneaking around in his private business).

"What are you thinking? You´re making funny faces... "

Suzumu flinched and eased his formerly cringing expression back into the blank, uncaring and somewhat arrogant mask a ninja should be wearing at all times. Only the light pink color on his cheeks spoke of his slip up.

"Nothing," he hurriedly assured in a mutter, avoiding eye contact. Souji didn´t look convinced and there was that frightening, mischievous gleam in his eyes that made Suzumu very nervous. To distract from himself he quickly asked, "And what is Okita-san thinking?"

Fortunately it seemed to work, because Souji made a thoughtful face, looking up into the sky. Suzumu let out a shaky sigh.

"Hm... I was wondering about something..." Obviously Souji wanted to be asked what he´d been thinking about, because his expectant gaze lay heavily on the poor ninja´s shoulders.

"About what?" Suzumu asked, just playing along.

"Hijikata-san is really angry with me this time, isn´t he? He hasn´t talked to me and every time I come to his room he pretends to be asleep." Souji poked his forefingers against each other in misery and glanced at his company with huge, sad eyes, determined on getting information out of the tight lipped ninja.

Suzumu squirmed a bit. He really didn´t want to get involved in this.

"I don´t kno-"

Souji´s lower lip started to wobble actually, and then he even had the gall to sniffle.

"...- He does seem a bit stressed but whether that is because of you I have no idea. I think Hijikata-san has a lot on his mind and great responsibilities, it might not have anything to do with you, Okita-san, " Suzumu said carefully, not really feeling comfortable. At least he had managed to phrase it neutrally.

Souji looked just as if Suzumu had told him that Hijikata was planning on proposing to him, though, so happy and relieved did he look. And of course he had to express his happiness by drawing his arms around the stiff ninja and hug him close!

Suzumu froze in action, desperately hoping that Hijikata wasn´t anywhere close to see them. No one was to know about his not-so-secret relationship with Okita, but Suzumu was a _ninja_, there was nothing he didn´t know! And he also knew that the demon vice commander was very possessive when it came to the first unit captain. No one wanted to have Hijikata´s jealous ire directed at them unless they were suicidal, and Suzumu most certainly wasn´t! But to his great relief the young man let go eventually, hugging his own knees again.

"On a _totally_ different note, Yamazaki-kun, I wanted to ask you something, because you seem very knowledgeable and experienced on these things... How do you get what you want from men?"

Oh. Great!

Torn between being flattered and utterly horrified, Suzumu kept his blank expression and stared into the distance as if he was about to say something very big and important any minute now. The silence grew heavier, Souji´s expectant, trusting look even more awed.

Eventually Suzumu said, trying to sound not too flustered,

"Well... If I want to get anything from men, I usually wear a dress and pretend to be a woman..."

"I see! Thank you so much, Yamazaki-kun, that helps a lot!"

Before Suzumu could protest Souji was already gone, flying down the ladder like a little tornado. Suzumu watched him, leaned over the crest with a worried frown. For some reason he had a very very bad feeling about this.

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Hijikata Toshizou sneaked around a corner, turning his head to the left and to the right, and then his shoulders slumped with a relieved sigh. He´d successfully managed to avoid Souji for another day.

Tiredly he shoved the paper door to his room aside, already stuffing a pipe. The sun was going down already, coating everything with a warm, orange glow and Hijikata thought that he could make a poem out of that when he froze in the door way.

Inside his room, on the tatami, knelt the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Well, he hoped that he was seeing her for the first time, because if it was one of his late affairs then he really didn´t want to have her here...

The lady wore a beautiful kimono, rather simple but only underlining her natural beauty. The long hair was drawn into a rather exotic hairdo that faintly reminded of the traditional way women kept their hair, but this one´s was adorned with an illustrious number of combs and hairpins. Coming to think of it, her kimono looked a bit strange too, the obi was knotted in a most... original way, but maybe that was a new trend amongst Kyoto women?

Alas, her face was stunning, her skin white and impeccable, her lips full and red.

Now, she was pretty all right, and under different circumstances Hijikata might have invited her to a tea (if he felt like a gentleman) and then ravished her (if he was busy he´d just skip the tea part). But Hijikata was grumpy and frustrated and he didn´t feel like dealing with anyone, not even with gorgeous, mysterious women waiting for him in his room.

"Can I help you?" he asked, not exactly friendly.

"Hijikata-san, there you are! I have been waiting here for forever, and you know these kimonos are really very tight and constricting and it took me forever to bind that obi so it wouldn´t go open and I had to do it all by myself! And my hairpins keep falling out too! So you really could have been a bit more considerate and hurry up!" The 'lady' huffed, arms crossed over her non-existent breasts, bottom lip pouting out.

Dumbstruck, Hijikata stood in the door way, mouth hanging open, pipe threatening to fall out.

"S-Souji?"

"Of course, who else would it be?" Souji asked innocently, but then he narrowed his eyes and that infamous, murderous aura started to radiate from him. "You weren´t expecting anyone else here, weren´t you, Hijikata-san?"

The demon vice commander somewhat recovered and found back to his old, confident and grumpy self, though inwardly he was still pretty overwhelmed by the situation. The line between his eyes sharpened again and he blew out some exasperated smoke.

"Don´t be silly." His eyes trailed over his boyfriend in drag again. Hijikata was still uncertain what he was supposed to make of this. It did look kind of... cute, but it was also very very wrong.

"And what´s with that get-up?"

"Don´t you like it?" Souji asked, frowning and delicately tugging at the hem of his wide sleeve. Then he brought a beautiful fan (looking suspiciously like one of Yamazaki´s) up to cover his face and flutter his lashes invitingly at Hijikata in an attempt to seduce him with his feminine charm. One of the hairpins slowly slipped out, and obviously it was a vital one because once it was gone it caused the whole mass of pins and combs to clatter to the ground. Souji stared at them past messy hair strands hanging into his face, horrified, but quickly remembered his conduct and tried to save the day with a high pitched, womanly giggle behind his sleeve.

"No," Hijikata dead-panned, but sighed when he saw the crestfallen look on Souji´s heavily make-uped face. "Look," he said, rubbing his temple, "I like you just the way you are. You don´t have to do this."

"Really?" Souji beamed, making Hijikata feel a bit fuzzy and warm in his belly.

"Really," the elder replied gruffly. "Now, get rid of this stuff,will you?"

"Aww, Hijikata-san, you are so sweet! I will do that if it makes you happy!"

"Grea- wait! Not here! Go to your own room!" Aghast, the demon vie commander turned his back on the young man who had already started to fight with his obi.

Souji uncertainly worried his bottom lip. He didn´t really trust the man... "But will you be here when I come back?"

"I will," Hijikata said blankly, puffing his pipe.

However the moment Souji had gathered all his combs and hairpins sauntered out of the room, trying not to drip over his kimono, the fearless demon vice commander made a run for it, deciding to stay at an inn for the night. Just to be on the save side.

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A day later a new announcement was pinned to the wooden pillar of the dojo, fluttering softly in the light afternoon breeze and informing every member of the shinsengumi that from now on the unauthorized possession and wearing of women´s clothing was strictly prohibited and sentences with seppuku, unless you were a woman or Suzumu Yamazaki.

**Mission to seduce Hijikata Toshizou with (something close to resembling) women´s clothing: failed.**

tbc?

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**Review replies^^**

Dido-Chan: Haha, yes, something is definitely wrong with Hijikata! I wonder what kind of issues he has... Hm, we might find out soon^^

jennifer100: Aww, thank you so much dear! Sadly I hadn´t had time to read your fics yet, life is crazy at the moment and I barely find the time to write :( But it´s on the top of my to-do-list and I will get to it eventually XD

Naokiru Michiyuki: Thank you, yes, your review motivated me indeed! It still took me a bit, because I´m in my last year in college and I have a lot to do :(I hope you enjoy the new chapter too^^

**Please, would you mind giving me 30 seconds of your precious time and tell me what you think about the chapter? I am also taking suggestions on what else Souji could try to get Hijikata into bed^^**


	5. Chapter 5

**Uhm... hello again *waves* I know it has been a long time, but your constant support finally got me to sit down and pull out this chapter XD So sorry for the long wait. I don't want to make promises I might not be able to keep but I suspect that the enxt chapter will be up sooner because I have more time nowadays^^ So now enjoy please!**

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**Chapter 5**

Finally.

After all the hardship, the excruciatingly long months of being patient, of being understanding and gingerly waiting for Hijikata to make a move on him the time had come.

Okita Souji, First Unit Captain of the infamous Shinsengumi and brilliant, feared swordsman was about to get laid.

"Hijikata-san, if only you knew how long I have been waiting for this," the lavender haired man breathed, his cheeks pink with happiness and excitement. The reckless demon vice commander on whose lap he was sitting right now amidst a mountain of little sake bottles that littered the tatami in Hijikata's room growled, eyes unfocused as he bit into Souji's exposed shoulder, "Screw that Hijikata-san crap, call me Toshi."

"Toshi," Souji mewled, delighted, tasting the sound on his tongue. His cheeks were flushed, the blood pounding in his ears like festival drums. That was partly because he was sitting in Hiji- _Toshi's _lap and something evidently solid bounced against his thigh whenever he moved (and Souji made sure that he moved quite a bit to feel his lover's arousal that was proof of the first unit captain's attractiveness to the demon). And then he was pretty drunk too. Besides, Hijikata's white sharp teeth had started to nibble at his long neck and Souji shivered, giggling.

"Toshi, Toshi, Toshi, Toshi," Souji repeated, the word feeling like the sweetest candy in his mouth. "Toshi, Toshi, Toshi, Toshi." He had to stop for a moment, gasping for breath. All right, so the first unit captain was quite inebriated himself, but who cared. Slipping his arms around Hijikata's neck he sighed, burying his warm cheeks against Hijikata's hot skin. His white hand sneaked into the man's dark hair to loosen his hair tie and feel the flood of black silk slipping through his fingers. Hijikata's pipe gleamed forgotten in the wooden ashtray on the tatami between more sake.

"Toshi, Toshi, Toshi..."

It was such a good thing that he had asked the comedian trio for help. It had been a rainy, gloomy day and Souji's usually high spirits had been dulled because of his failed attempts to get closer so his vice commander. The thick droplets falling from the cloudy sky had made his frustration only more acute. He had just come from Hijikata's rooms where the grumpy man had been taciturn and squished all of Souji's cheerful attempts to bond, so that the first unit captain had to leave eventually, empty-handed. Saizo was grumpy too and didn't want to play with him, and Tetsu was out on an errand with his brother so Souji felt a bit alone and left out.

He had wandered down the porch when he passed by an old warehouse that was out of use and usually locked, when his name was shouted.

"_Okita-san!"_

_Souji stopped, then walked through the muddy ground towards the house and glanced curiously past the almost closed sliding doors. Inside it was dark and dusty, but dry and strangely cosy. Shinpachi looked at him with one eye closed, while Sanosuke waved him in encouragingly. Heisuke lifted a sake cup at him, smiling. "Join us for a bit!"_

_They seemed as if they were having fun, so Souji sighed, hiding his hands in the white sleeves of his white yukata and walking up to them. He made sure to close the door so the rain would stay outside; he didn't want to catch a cold._

_Heisuke just noticed that his cup was empty and held it out demandingly to Shinpachi who just took the bottle, grinned widely and emptied it without a second look at Heisuke's cup. The other stuck out his lower lip, grabbing a bottle of his own and pouring it into his cup. "Not cute," he pouted, but Shinpachi didn't look awfully offended by the comment. _

"_What are you doing?" Souji tilted his head and finally knelt down after Sanosuke had patted on a cushion beside him. A cup of sake was thrust into his hands and Souji held it a bit awkwardly. Usually he didn't drink but he didn't want to appear impolite. Their cheerful banter was contagious and made a small smile appear on Souji's lips too._

"_That's better!" Sanosuke roared, starting to laugh loudly for no apparent reason. Heisuke ignored the man and advised Souji to do the same until he explained with a wink. "The comedian trio has gathered here today in this secret hour to share its wisdom with everyone lucky enough to find them. Usually our advise is very expensive, you see, but today at this hour and only for you, it will be for free."_

_Sanosuke stopped laughing, frowning and looking dumbfounded. "Really? I thought we just needed a hiding place to drink sake and not be sentenced to seppuk- uff!"_

_Shinpachi professionally placed his sharp elbow between Sanosuke's rips, effectively shutting his dumb friend up. Instantly he had caught up with his Heisuke's ingenious plan. Everyone in the quarters knew about the infamous scene at the dojo. The comedian trio had dug a bit deeper and their keen eyes didn't escaped the fact that their fearful demon vice commander _

_and sweet little Souji had become an item. _

_Technically, at least. _

_Practically they seemed to struggle with some apparent issues. Neither of them was really surprised to see Hijikata and Souji together; what surprised them more was the fact that it had taken them so long. They had known these two even before the Shinsengumi and Hijikata always had had a suspiciously soft spot for the first unit captain and his antics. Now Okita wasn' t even Hijikata's page anymore and Heisuke had suspected that the vice commander had moved on to Tetsu but that was just a figment of his own perverted mind._

_Now that they were together things didn't go smoothly and the trio blamed it entirely on Hijikata Toshizou of course. No one in their right mind would refuse such a beautiful, sweet boy as Okita Souji, but Hijikata was no ordinary person. He was grumpy and evil and mean._

_So Keisuke and Shinpachi decided to get back at him this very moment._

_Souji stared at them with round eyes, glistening with unbridled trust as well as a slightly mischievous glimmer. He readily joined the game of make-belief._

"_Really?" he intoned, seemingly innocent, laying a finger against his chin. "What kind of advice are you giving?"_

"_All kinds of advice," Heisuke shrugged, and Shinpachi added, crossing his arms and looking confident, "Say, just for example there is a person who likes another person. And now imagine the situation, purely hypothetical of course, that that second person is utterly oblivious to the first person's affections." Sanosuke had withdrawn into a corner, petulantly nibbling at his sake._

_Souji tilted his head, making a stunned face. "Oh, that sounds interesting. But that is a bit too abstract for me. Could it be that maybe that first person is very beautiful and intelligent and a brilliant swordsman?"_

_Heisuke nodded. "Hmhm, absolutely."_

_Souji beamed. "And could it be that the oblivious person is a grumpy man who smokes too much?"_

_Shinsuke agreed gravely. "Yes, and he is evil."_

_Heisuke added enthusiastically, totally absorbed in their descriptions, "And he is old and has ugly wrinkles on his forehead from all the constant frowning."_

"_And he has no fun at all and because he is sexually frustrated he forbids everyone else to have fun too and threatens them with death." Shinsuke chuckled, holding his belly. Heisuke was leaning against him, gasping for air because this was just too hilarious, but he could still top it:_

"_Haha, yes and, haha, he probably has a small di-"_

"_HIJIKATA-SAN'S WEEWEE IS JUST FINE!"_

_Thunderstruck the laughing couple on the floor paled and held onto each other, all mirth wiped away as they looked up to where Souji was towering over them menacingly with his really scary no-shit-I-will-skewer-you-in-a-second- attitude donned, making his beautiful face contort into a tight, cold and cruel mask. Apparently the first unit captain was not amused about the brilliant jokes cracked at the expenses of the love of his life and his …. weewee._

_Still clinging to Shinsuke's sleeve, Heisuke piped up, trying to keep his bladder shut and not pee himself, "Sorry, m-maybe we should keep it a b-bit more... abstract than th-that."_

"_Please do." Souji sat down carefully on his cushion, smiling his perfectly innocent smile at them as if the outburst of viral murderous energy just now hadn't happened at all._

_Shinsuke shook off Heisuke's clawing fingers and summoned a shaky smile as well, nodding. "I guess you got the idea of these two people now."_

_Souji nodded, his eyes filled with barely contained anticipation. Sanosuke in his corner kept suckling his sake, happy that the others were too occupied to steal his share. Or indulge in their own, so there was more left for him._

"_Please continue," the first unit captain encouraged eagerly, shifting on his cushion._

_Heisuke and Shinosuke shared a nervous look before the latter cleared his throat. "So this hypothetical couple apparently has some... uhm... difficulties getting closer in an intimate way." He phrased it as careful as he could. Apparently offending their guest with too blatant and insensitive vocabulary would end in an ugly mess of bloody guts and torn body parts._

_Souji nodded in sympathy and the two third of the comedian trio relaxed a bit. The storm seemed to be over. For now. They just had to be more careful and remember that despite his looks Okita Souji was a lethal killing machine that better be kept amused or all hell could break loose. Given the matter they were handling they were walking on thin ice. Very thin. Whoever had thought meddling would be a good idea obviously was a complete idiot._

"_But there is a solution. A great potion that can solve each and every problem there is in the world," Heisuke continued importantly, intending to make a mysterious pause and inwardly beaming a bit by Souji's impatient shifting. He had the situation back under contro-_

"_Sake!" Sanosuke demanded, searching the floor for more bottles. The answer he got was a bottle thrown at his head, but it was empty so he simply grunted and kept on searching._

"_Sake...?" Souji repeated, wondering eyes shifting back to Heisuke._

"_Yes, sake," Shinpachi affirmed, hoggishly pulling his own bottles to himself with his foot to keep them save from Sanosuke. They were corked, virginal, delicious and they were __**his**__._

"_Oh... I see!" Souji beamed and then got up, methodically picking up full, sealed sake bottles from the ground that the trio had bought from their hard earned salary of three months._

"_May I ask... what you are doing?" Shinpachi implored carefully, trying to keep his own bottles out of sight, but it was too late._

"_I am trying out your theoretical solution to your hypothetical problem of course," Souji smiled brightly, gathering the last full bottle and leaving them with a grateful bow to their miserable existence in the shack without alcohol and with no courage to protest._

And thus they had ended up like that. Getting Hijikata drunk had been surprisingly easy. Souji just had to flounce in, cheerfully offering the sake which the vice commander had moodily taken, and patiently keep pouring the alcohol. He had drunk some himself to, for courage.

And now they were here, closer than ever before and finally Souji would get laid. Once he was drunk Hijikata became bold, claiming what he wanted and whatever reason kept him from doing so in a sober condition was washed away now by more sake. The man's hands on him were a bit rough as they felt up Souji's lithe body through the fabric of his yukata, and a tiny bit clumsy but that was way better than no touching at all. And Souji could feel the affection dripping from those finger tips; it said more than words ever could and Hijikata wasn't a vocal person to talk about his feelings anyways. He expressed them with rare, small gestures or crappy poetry. And tonight he even had told Souji to call him by his nick name, something he usually hated (though the first unit captain suspected that secretly Hijikata-san didn't mind at all).

Yes, tonight was the night where they would establish their relationship by making wonderful, passionate, drunk love and once that was done everything would be perfect because then Hijika- Toshi would be all his, body and soul. Souji squirmed in anticipation, sighing and pressing himself closer to the warm body leaning against his.

"Toshi, Toshi, Toshi... Toshi?"

The man didn't move. Souji had been so caught up in his happy revery that he hadn't even noticed the demon stopping his ministrations. Hijikata's hand hung limply in Souji's half opened robe, his head lay heavily on Souji's shoulder.

"Toshi?" he repeated, blinking. The only reply he got was a loud snore.

"Hijikata-san?" The sleeping man's figure was shaken violently but he remained unfazed, snoring even louder. Hijikata had long ago drifted into a pleasant dream world that was stuffed with cute things and the intoxicating smell of Souji and nothing in the world would wake him up from thar.

The next morning another announcement was pinned to the wooden pillar of the dojo,above the other two. It firmly informed every member of the shinsengumi in the agitated handwriting of one gravely disappointed first unit captain that from now on sake was REALLY prohibited from the premises and that everyone who got caught smuggling it in or possessing it had to face the wrath of aforementioned captain personally.

**Mission to seduce Hijikata Toshizou with sake: failed miserably.**

Tbc?**  
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Leyko: Hey! Thank you very much, I am happy you liked it! Sorry for being such a lazy ass, I try to be more diligent from now on ^^

XlightningX: Tbc indeed XD

UntoLacrimosa: Thank you! I have a lot of fun writing it too, but sometimes it needs some time for the idea to develop, which is why it takes a bit longer to post... Ah yes, college... well, I am writing my final paper now, so I actually have a lot of free time (until the deadline comes closer and closer and I will panic XD) so I should update more often now^^ What are you studying? I really like your idea with the red light district, I will see that I can include that somehow (and give you credit for the idea, of course!). Thank you! (And Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Easter to you too!)

mistic fox: Thanks! Hm, I had a look at what is being posted right now and there are a lot of self-insert stories and Mary Sues, it seems...

Axelxflurry: Thank you, I am happy that you love my story so much! I hear ya -.- If I was Hijikata and Souji was my bf I would so... Anyways XD I avoid the depressing fics because they... depress me. I want to explore more of the humorous and light-hearted side of the series^^ And the cooking idea is brilliant! I will try to get that included somehow! Thanks for that! I think the make-Hijikata-jealous-idea goes very well with another suggestion I got... *happy about the input*

Cole-Hyuuga: Hahahaha, yes, Hijikata should really get it done now, Souji is getting frustrated! XD

hentai cake: Thank you! XD Souji is a bit desperate and he has no idea why Hijikata is avoiding him so he searching for all kinds of reasons and trying to get past them... I should have a bit more time now, so updates should be more often now^^

ricoch3t: Yay, I am happy you like my style, thanks! Music is an interesting idea! I will see what I can make of it, thanks!

jennifer100: Hehe, well, Souji tried, at least. It's not his fault that Hijikata is so stubborn... Thank you for your good wishes, it is going well so far XD Only a few months left *sigh*

Kat: No worries, I am even slower putting up new chapters *cough* Haha, I have no idea how many regulations Hijikata will add XD I thought about five chapters, but I keep getting great input from the readers, so there might be more^^

pingan: Yes, poor Okita :( He needs luff! I got a lot of good ideas now, because it really is not as easy as I thought to think of ways to seduce someone... anmd constantly fail at it XD

Dido-Chan: Thank you! Sorry about the shortness and the cliffy, I try to do better^^ I keep thinking that to myself too: „WTF Hijikata?" But he won't listen :(

Naokiru Michiyuki: Thank you! Writing my final thesis now *sigh* Oh, I wish Nanae Chrono would draw Souji in such a kimono too XD But I suppose the chances are slim... Well I am happy that she started to continue the manga at least XD

**Again, many thanks for the reviews and the uberawesome input! New ideas and comments are always welcomed, so don't be shy! XD**


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